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"I had a lovers quarrel with the world" ~Frost
Aug. 19th, 2008
09:12 pm
You know those speeches in movies where someone can't take it anymore, and they just give this ridiculously eloquent speech/declaration and finally say what they have wanted to say for so long?
I honestly think I am incapable of doing that. Literally. I've gotten close to completely speaking my mind, but I've always softened myself somehow or held back at least to a small extent.
I wonder what it would be like.
Jun. 14th, 2008
12:06 am
Oh dear it's been a while. Sorry.
I'm very tired, but I wanted to at least write something.
I love growing up and hate it all the same. The world gets scarier, but it also starts to feel real and true. When you experience life's grit yourself, it's unpleasant, but it's your own. I am finally growing up, becoming a woman. I am less and less certain about what's true these days, but the things I do know to be true have never tasted sweeter.
I have a boyfriend now. Ha, some people thought the day would never come when I would let someone into my life again. It's great because he was my friend before my boyfriend, which has made all the difference. And I'm slowly, slowly beginning to believe again that I'm worth being loved. Both fantastic and scary.
I still love Oglethorpe.
Dec. 25th, 2007
Oct. 7th, 2007
08:25 pm
I get frustrated with myself for crying so easily. I realize this mostly because I am the most emotional of the 4 in my suite. I hate it sometimes. It's like there's a break in the line somewhere, and no one will tell me where the hole is.
It's not a bad thing, crying, but it messes up your mindset for that day, that week. Today I thought I cried over one thing, but it turns out, I cried because of that one thing plus three or four other things. When people ask, "Why are you crying?" and you respond "This" or "that," is it really this or that? I'm starting to think it's mostly not one thing, but a series of things.
God, wash over my series of things.
Oct. 3rd, 2007
10:36 pm
"Love And Some Verses"
(Iron & Wine)
Love is a dress that you made
long to hide your knees
love to say this to your face,
"I'll love you only"
for your days and excitement,
what will you keep for to wear?
someday drawing you different,
may I be weaved in your hair?
Love and some verses you hear
say what you can't say
love to say this in your ear,
"I'll love you that way"
from your changing contentments,
what will you choose for to share?
someday drawing you different,
may I be weaved in your hair?
Beauty. More than anything else, it's beauty. That's what makes my eyes grow wider, what makes me straighten my posture, what makes me lose my breath for just a second.
"may I be weaved in your hair?" -wow.
In other news, God is so wonderful. It astounds me at how beautiful He is in my life and outside of my life. A friend pointed out to me today that we tend to ask God why bad things happen to us, which I think is good...but we forget to also ask why good things happen to us. Sometimes, I just have no idea.
I see my life slowly branching out, pieces drifting how I imagine the continents drifted. And it's a beautiful thing, you know? Not knowing where you're going or what you're doing, but knowing you're expanding.
Jul. 21st, 2007
11:24 pm - yesterday
I work in a doctor's office, and yesterday, I was talking to the office's book-keeper. She was telling me how one of our doctors, Dr. Levert, saw a patient who not only could not pay the bill, but could not pay about 4 other bills, too. She had several kids, and she didn't work. Her husband was obviously under a lot of financial stress. So, Dr. Levert, though it was no fair to him, charged her nothing for $5000 worth of work (as she was uninsured). She was hispanic.
For the first time, I actually witnessed the healthcare crisis in our country. Elaine (the book-keeper) was telling me how she has been doing her job for over 30 years and how in years past, every once in a while people could not pay her bills. Now, she says, cases like these are occuring every day, and she hates to turn them over to Collections because she knows they won't be able to do much for them.
Something needs to change. As a grandaughter of a Cuban refugee, I don't support socialism. However, as the richest and most powerful country in the world, I believe the United States has the power to create a healthcare program that does not look anything like Cuba- where those within the Communist party are treated well and everyone else is screwed over (like a distant cousin of mine who died less than a year ago, and who had to bring her own toilet paper to the hospital- that's not healthcare!). I think the U.S. has the ability to create a program to help this literal crisis. Many people don't think this is a crisis because they don't see this happening around their little world- I was one of these people until yesterday, really.
So...all I'm saying is to think about an issue like this when you vote. By "like this" I mean an issue of merit- an Issue of merit NOT being gay marriage. Issues of merit being like that of healthcare, education, poverty, global relief, and defense.
Jul. 1st, 2007
11:14 pm
I just spent a good half hour reading most of the LJ entries of a close friend. Time goes by so fast, doesn't it? Some of the entries made me tear up because I would do anything for some of the past to be the present. But people grow up and change. And it kills me.
Tonight I went to Trinity for the first time this summer b/c of either being in L'ville or stressed out with summer school. I kinda phased out during the message, but the worship was so good. I really needed it. I don't know what to think about how to best have church these days, but it's somehow all made ok during worship. I love singing hymns. It's more than a happy feeling, worship. Lots of times it isn't feeling-driven at all. It's love as a being and not a feeling.
I finished summer school, and I don't know how I did it. For the rest of the summer, I hope to be more introspective and hope to become closer and closer to God. I'm not sure what that looks like.
Jun. 28th, 2007
10:04 pm
Mr. Bush, I say this with love: You are president of the United States- not Iraq.
Jun. 7th, 2007
04:17 pm - What is News?
"News is history in its first and best form, its vivid and fascinating form, and...history is the pale and tranquil reflection of it."
-Mark Twain
According to leading news "experts," then...
...history is the pale and tranquil reflection of Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan.
Hmmm. Since when did ET buy out CNN and Fox?
Jun. 6th, 2007
02:04 pm
I have no idea what to say. All I know is that I'm upset and confused and wishing that I had answers or even hope of answers for the questions I have about my life right now. I don't like when others reply that this is a "normal" feeling or process one goes through at my age that will make me stronger. I feel brushed off.
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